The Coconut Chronicles: Love

Cinderella's Handyman Service

Fri, 15 Dec 2006 04:20:31 GMT

Hello again from that place where, you guessed it, the snow just keeps on comin’!

I wore girl clothes a week ago. I bathed, shaved, fluffed and fussed, curled, puffed, painted, arranged, bedecked (and bedazzled) myself for an official Nelson “function”. The Kootenay Writing School was having its annual fou-fou-ra at the library and this was my chance to mix and mingle with Nelson’s literati. This was also my chance to get the heck out of my androgynous work attire and into something a little more…girlie.

Here’s my morning dress routine:

1. Cotton socks

2. Wool work socks

3. Light long underwear

4. Fleece long underwear

5. Work pants – 3 sizes too big to accommodate #’s 3&4 and covered in various “goo”

6. Tattered work t-shirt

7. Light waffle-fleece top

8. Heavy fleece top

9. Small Arcteryx jacket

10. Fleece vest with hood

11. Winter jacket

12. Toque (Canadian for “cap”, FYI)

13. Gloves

14. Sorrel boots (the king of boots)

The upside of all these layers is that when I get home and undress I feel as if I’ve instantly dropped 25 lbs - probably because I have dropped 25 lbs! The down side is that I spend every day of my life looking like a bloated, hammer-wielding sausage.

Now, I have, on numerous occasions, verbally “bashed” the female fashion industry and the nonsensical idea that women must conform to a set of predetermined standards in order to be considered beautiful but…BUT…I was practically weeping last Friday as I applied my mascara (but I didn’t because then the mascara would run). Who was this stunning ingénue staring at me from my bathroom mirror? This saucy vixen with her sparkly lip gloss and hair spun like cotton candy - not plastered into a ponytail as mine is seven days a week. I liked this girl; her perfectly plucked brows said “I’m ruthlessly efficient”, her mango-scented skin whispered “Come closer”, and her concave stomach growled “Hey, I haven’t eaten all day so let’s get the show on the road!”

The show did get on the road and soon I was sitting in a packed room full of other writerly types. “Wow, you look great tonight,” exclaimed one of the members of my latest writing group. “I’m wearing girl clothes!” I answered, not even trying to hide my pride. Most of the evening was spent in near darkness, the light from the podium being the only light as authors took turns reading their work. Perhaps not the best environment to show off my single layer of highly impractical clothing but I held out for intermission and wasn’t disappointed. Lingering over the dessert table, I made sure to stand in the best light and turn frequently so that everyone could get a good look. Sure they all seemed like they were interested in talking about writing and stuff but I knew what they were thinking: “That girl is so hot! She must be a model or something!!” Yep, that’s what they were all thinking. Oh ya baby.

All too soon the night was over. The room began to clear as I hovered around the stragglers, allowing them one last glimpse of my splendor before I, too, shuffled out to the snow covered street. It wasn’t even midnight and the ball was over. I could have, I don’t know, gone down to the Hume Hotel to watch the salsa dancers in their year end finale or, maybe, taken myself out for a martini but Prez was back at home recovering from a hard week of work and, well, it’s damn cold without all those layers. So I went home, took off the party clothes, put on my fleece pajamas, and cuddled up next to my sweety on the couch.

“How was it?” he asked, sprawled in much the same position he’d been in when I left.

“It was good. There was some excellent writing,” I answered.

“I’m sorry I’m such a stick in the mud.”

“That’s OK; it’s been a long week.” I scratched his head. He turned to face me.

“Wow, you are so beautiful! How’d I get you?”

He said it like a man who’s just woken up and realized he has the winning lottery ticket. But it was me who won. Dressing up in girl clothes and having a bunch of strangers think you’re hot is fun but the guy who thinks I’m gorgeous even when I look like a bloated, hammer-wielding sausage, that’s the only person I really want to impress.

QUESTION: You’re favorite knock ‘em dead outfit?

"I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want—an adorable pancreas?"

-Jean KerrUntil next week, I hope this finds you healthy, happy, and lovin' life!
The Princess

In Sickness and in Health

Fri, 26 May 2006 18:12:19 GMT

Hello from a Kozy place!

Slap my fingers for being so tardy! I’m sick again. Can you believe it? It seems like just yesterday that I recovered from the Malaysian Wombat Hack Your Lungs Up Flu and mere days within arriving back in BC I am struck down by the Canadian Bowel-Twisting Mega-Nausea Super Tired Virus. Ugh. Poor Prez, if his wife isn’t burping, farting, coughing, locked in the bathroom for hours, or curled up in a ball writhing in pain, she is asleep. What a trooper. Gold Stars for the Prez!

Oh yes, you may have noticed that I mentioned we are back in BC. Vegas. Tee Hee. Oops. Thankfully what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas right? Right?!

No it didn’t work out as planned, but then, what usually does? The trip north was largely uneventful except for the truck completely dying in the middle of the desert. Luckily I am married to MacGyver – more gold stars for Prez. We were welcomed home, yet again, by the ever patient and hospitable Martha & Patty-Cakes Roney. And now we have been granted temporary tenant status in Zone 5 of the lower wing of the Kozak mansion by our dear friends the Culinarily Cunning Kozy and the Technologically Talented Tweeter. Muchas Gracias a todos nos amigos!

So here we are, long past Plan B, probably approaching Plan Q.

A wise Austrian woman once said to me: “If you think you love someone and you want to be sure, ask yourself if you would be willing to care for them every day for the rest of your life if, for example, they became a paraplegic or came down with a serious illness”. The trick to this question is to answer it honestly. Most of us, in the throes of passion, would immediately say, “Of course I would care for him/her for the rest of my life!” without realizing exactly how much of a commitment that would be. Let’s face it; I can barely live with myself with the flu for a few weeks!

Now, the Prez and I did not have a traditional wedding (**please note** I am not, repeat not criticizing traditional weddings. Traditional weddings are great! If you had a traditional wedding, I’m sure it was marvelous and if I was there I’m sure it was the best wedding I’ve ever been too. There, I think I covered my butt this time.)…now where was I? Oh yes, the vows. Now despite the fact that our non-traditional vows did not include the whole “for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health” bit it is still a statement that I feel applies to all marriages. If you are not prepared to stick it out when the external stuff gets ugly, when life throws you one of the many, many curve balls it likes to throw, then cut your losses, cancel the hall and the DJ, and stick to serial monogamy.

In our nearly eight years together, the Prez and I have had more ups and downs than a Cancun hotel room during Spring Break. I know that my many mysterious maladies over the past three years have driven him around the bend. I’ll never forget the look on his face the first time I had a full blown endometrial melt down. We were in Mexico, half an hour from the nearest hospital and no guarantees that they could help me once I got there. If not for the Tylenol-3’s and Oxycocets we were able to hoard from prior injuries, I don’t know what I would have done. But even with a belly full of pain killers, I was on all fours barely able to breathe through the pain. The helplessness I saw in Prez’s eyes was worse, though, than any physical suffering. It is a look I have come to know far too well.

Three years in various states of discomfort, sickness & pain have taken their toll as much on Prez as on me – perhaps more so. The frustrating part is that I’m a pretty health conscious person. I don’t smoke, I exercise, I eat well, and I keep the martinis to a minimum (oh sweet life-giving fluid!) and still I seem to get hit with every virus within a hundred miles, and get hit HARD. It’s as if my immune system went out for a newspaper in 2003 and just never came back. It’s to the point where I dread saying those four little words to Prez – “I don’t feel well”.

But, get your gold stars ready, he’s hanging in there, being as kind and helpful as possible while secretly wishing (I am sure) that we had one of those Star Trek thingys that you scan up and down the persons body a few times and it tells you exactly what’s wrong with them and how to fix it.

So we’re in the sickness part of the “in sickness and in health” vow.

We also happen to be in the poorer part of “richer or poorer” vow.

See, things almost never turn out the way you expect them to.

When I say “poorer” that’s pretty relative. We are still very wealthy, and very lucky, compared to the rest of the world, we’re just not living at the standard we thought we’d be. The worst part is not doing without; the worst part is having to rely on friends for help. As it turns out, the best return we’ve gotten on any investment over the years is with our friends. They have come to our rescue in so many ways it will take a lifetime to repay them. We are so thankful everyday for the people we love. But it’s still hard, when you’re used to being the one who hosts the parties, the one who puts up guests in the spare room, the one who buys the gifts and pays for dinner, it’s hard to ask for help. And although I know we would do the same, and more, for any of our friends in a heart beat, I can’t help feeling that we’ve let them all down, that we’re a disappointment.

I know the Prez and I are feeling pretty low right now, about as low as we’ve ever felt. Even as we take the steps to rebuild our life, constantly reminding ourselves that others have come back from much worse, there is a kind of melancholy in the air. Every now and then I’ll notice that we’re both just staring out into the distance, lost in our thoughts, and I’ll think, well, at least we have each other.

That’s the great thing about real love, that’s the reason those rich/poor/sick/health vows were ever written, at the end of the day what matters is that no matter what you have gained or lost you hang onto each other.

I love my husband beyond words. Sick, healthy, rich, poor, whatever. As long as we have each other, we have everything we need.

In the silence of this whispered night
I listen only to your breath
and in that second of a shooting star
somehow it all makes sense.
And I want all the world to know
that your love's all I need
all that I need
and if we're lost
then we are lost together

-Blue Rodeo “Lost Together”

Until next week, I hope this finds you healthy, happy & lovin life…no matter what it throws at you!

The Princess

Baja Love

Sun, 08 Jan 2006 21:17:18 GMT

“Baja Love”. You may have heard the Prez and I utter this phrase more than once before. It got me to wonderin’, what does it mean? Is it the desert, the sea, the people, the birds, the fish, the tacos (hmm, that could be it) or a combination of all the real and intangible things that draw us back to this little piece of sand year after year?

And the more I thunk on it, the more I started to wonder about love in general; what an odd and indefinable thing it is. I love Baja and I love British Columbia but the feelings I have for each of those places is completely different. Yes I would probably rather be in the sun, OK I’d definitely rather be in the sun and dry than the cold and wet but I don’t love one place more than the other.

From there my thoughts drifted to my love for the Prez. I’d say, on the scale of love from Pitiful (think Anna Nicole Smith and the rich geezer she leeched onto) to Perfect (existing only in movies) we rank pretty high up there. Why? What is it that we have now that was lacking in our previous relationships?

Back in another desert, chatting with the wise and all-knowing Miz Liz, we discussed the idea that once you find real, true love, love of the best friend/soul mate variety, you wonder why anyone would settle for anything less. But until you experience it, well, you can’t possibly know what it is…so it’s kind of a conundrum. Still with me here? We spoke of people in our lives who were in relationships that were either horribly one-sided or lacking in genuine affection altogether. How sad that is, and yet, I’ve been there. I reckon most folks have. (I’m feeling a little country-ish today, by the way). With each new ‘love’ I thought I had it all figured out. And when that ‘love’ went sideways or dried up completely, well I would just find someone else eventually and move on. It took me a good while to figure out what the problem was…me.

The bottom line is: I was looking for a man to make me happy but the only person who could make me happy was me. The root of all problems in relationships is unhappiness – sometimes only one person is unhappy and sometimes both. Now I don’t mean unhappy like the feeling you get when the store is out of the 80% cocoa Swiss dark chocolate that you love (can you feel the pain?), no, I’m referring to the empty, unsatisfied feeling that lingers deep in your soul.

The irony is, you might meet the man or woman of your dreams, but if your timing is wrong, if you’re not at a point where you are happy with yourself then it doesn’t matter. Prez and I recognized years ago that had we met even a couple years earlier it’s very likely things would not have worked out for us. But things have worked out. Why? I mean it isn’t like we haven’t had our moments when wringing the other person’s neck seemed like a worthwhile idea. What went right?

For starters, when we met, we were both over the age of twenty-five. It is rare (I’ve seen it happen, but not often) that two people know enough about life, the universe, and themselves to make a good decision about a life-long partner before the age of twenty-five. Just my opinion but I’ve asked around and lots of folks agree with me…so it’s practically fact, or at least it would be on CNN.

The next factor is critical – we had stuff in common. Now you don’t have to have everything in common but one or two things is a big help. In our case, we loved being on, in, around, under and near the water, we loved fishing (even though I am much better at it), we had the same job, we loved to travel, didn’t want kids, didn’t believe in any religion, and lastly, and most importantly, had a profound (almost spiritual) love of cats.

Conversely – we had our own lives. Fred plays squash, I don’t; I think it’s a frantic game that requires way too much effort for very little fun (aka, I suck at it). I run, Fred doesn’t; he thinks it’s boring (aka, he sucks at it). I would never dream of stopping him from playing squash and he would only dream of asking me to stop running if he wanted a little nookie and even then it would be a temporary stoppage. It’s nice to spend time together and do things together but time alone, time doing “your” thing is important, it gives you things to talk about and a feeling of independence.

Honesty (ouch). OK, by this I mean, laying things on the line right at the start. I know people who get into relationships where one person wants kids and the other doesn’t, each one hoping that the other will change their mind. Sometimes one person does change their mind and it all works out but when they don’t? Ten years into a marriage, how terrible would it feel to suddenly realize you partner has no interest in raising a house full of ankle-biters when you want nothing more than the sound of little footsteps around you? Right from the get go Prez and I spelled out for each other what we did and did not want in our relationship.

The “X” factor – attraction, physical and otherwise. Don’t underestimate this one. If you aren’t sexually and romantically attracted to your mate, time is not going to change that. The fire may burn down to an ember but it can always be re-lit. If there was no heat to begin with, things will get cold real fast.

And that’s just the beginning ladies and gentlemen. Once you actually manage to find real, true love the work has just begun. Love is a constantly evolving entity. Don’t think that, just because things are good, you can coast along love’s highway on cruise control. As my karate sensei told me – “If you don’t do your homework, another student moves to the head of the class”! Women, this means making your man feel like he’s still a tiger in the sack, men this means wooing (and chocolate) lots and lots of wooing (and neck rubs), the wooing never ends (and showering her cat with affection), don’t ever slack in the wooing department.

There are a few couples I know who fall into the “true love” category – those whose relationships are not only fabulous but have stood the test of time. Miz Liz and Big Wave Dave were, of course, a primo example of this. Martha and Pat, despite the fact that they like to refer to themselves as the ‘bickering Bickersons’, rank right up there. Ruth-Ann and HQ, Dan and Anne, and I’m going to put Deb and Ron Mac in too because even if they haven’t crossed the twenty year line yet they have a love that is truly inspirational.

And may I make one final recommendation? Come to Baja. Rise to a desert sunrise and the calls of the seabirds. Take a boat or kayak out on the Sea of Cortez and stare into the eyes of a dolphin while Frigates perform acrobatic feats above you. Stand beside a Cardon cactus stretching fifty feet in the air and smell its cinnamon and sugar blossoms. Share a roadside fish taco, talk to the locals even if you don’t speak Spanish, drink margaritas at Los Equipales and dance cheek to cheek. Buy a tacky t-shirt. Drive to the beach, lie on a blanket; see the falling stars that trail forever against the sky. Leave behind all the “things” that really don’t matter. Fall in love all over again. That’s Baja Love baby!

P.S. – Hey, much to my surprise and great pleasure, I have been featured on the “Best of MSN Spaces” this week. Wow! If you click on the link (look for the little blue ribbon at the top of the page) you will see me listed on the top right side. Who’d of thought? And me without a formal gown and acceptance speech.

Also, I’ve added a couple new photo albums – one from Baja 2004 and one from our drive down here – check them out if you have a mo’ to kill.

A Very Good Day!

Mon, 19 Sep 2005 00:41:46 GMT

Hello again from the land of whales, Wallys and wetness!

What a day! Days like this don't come around all the time and when they do you have to savour them like they're your last piece of dark chocolate! It's almost 8:30 am and the Prez is still sleeping from his all day tuna fishing excursion yesterday, not to mention the sushi party the night before that, but when he wakes up I will be ready to wish him a very, very happy first wedding anniversary! Today is also my final day at McFishing - yipee!!! This evening will be our end of season staff party which promises to be entertaining (details to follow) then tomorrow the Prez and I will scoot off to April Point Resort for two days of doing...absolutely nothing....aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh.

This may be only our first "official" anniversary but Prez and I have been together just a little over seven years now and, far from experiencing the seven year itch, we've come to an incredibly wonderful space in our life long journey together. These days we are very much like newlyweds, giggling and giddy, finding excuses to hug, kiss and snuggle at every turn. Any relationship comes with it's everyday frustrations, we are no exception, but the good moments seem to greatly outweigh the bad. Not too shabby for two people who have put themselves through the wringer for the past two plus years, turned their lives upside down & inside out, not to mention travelling all over hell's half acre.

The Prez and I met in a time of abundance. We were living high on the Hollywood (North) hog, with all kinds of toys and trips to keep us entertained. It's easy to be in love under those circumstances. I revelled in the fact that I was in a relationship simply because I wanted to be - I could have been quite well off on my own, independent and proud of it, but I chose to tie my life to the man I loved. Still, we were not 'together' on the level that we are today. There is a togetherness that only adversity and loss can create.

In the past few years, the Prez and I have lost a number things - money being one of them but certainly not the most important. We've lost a friend and co-worker and another very dear friend. We've lost some freedom, lost some of that cocky self assurance we used to have, lost direction several times. With our sister's second bout of cancer we lost peace of mind. Lost a house, a boat and all kinds of material things...

But we've found each other.

I am so in love with my man. I love him more and more every day. He drives me around the bend when he tries to make the bed or picks his toenails in front of me or gripes at me about buying cherries because they're too expensive... and I still can't stop the love that builds inside me. I have seen my man tower like a giant, full of bravado, and I have seen him small and humble, doubting everything about himself. Big, small and everything in between - I love it all.

Perhaps I am not a big proponent of traditional weddings but there is one phrase in the wedding vows that I think is what truly makes a marriage beautiful, "For better or for worse". What you are saying is, "Hey, things may be good sometimes but they're probably going to be really bad sometimes too and I'm going to stick it out with you no matter what. There is a line in a Bare Naked Ladies song that I just love which goes, "If you're lucky to be one of the few to find somebody who can tolerate you...". Really, that's what it comes down to. If you can find someone who'll take you for richer, for poorer, for better or for worse then you are a very lucky person.

The Prez and I met in a time of abundance but we found the soul of our love in a time of want. How much more can two people ask for?

Happy 1st wedding anniversary to the man I love and here's to many, many more!

"Never thought that I could feel like this,
like I've never seen the sky before.
I want to vanish inside your kiss,
Every day I love you more and more.

Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing?
Telling me to give you everything.
Seasons may change, winter to spring
but I'll love you until the end of time.

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day."

Until next week, I hope this finds you healthy, happy, lovin' life and each other!

The Princess